Bouncing into your world on 30 April 2007 @ 10:02 a.m.

I am happy with one slice of toast for breakfast, he NEEDS 2 slices. Today we are going out to lunch at McD's. I will have a salad, he will have burger and chips.

Teatime I will probably eat some sort of salad sandwich. Matthew will probably have a sandwich and a mini swiss roll chocolate cake. That's not to mention the snacks he gets throughout the day from family members.

I know he is a growing lad but I do sometimes think where do I draw the line. I cook the best meals possible but just what is too much for kids. He eats all the right things (today is not a day of the norm, we have a treat every now and then) for the majority of the time. He loves his veg and I grill or oven cook everything. It's not all out the freezer and I want him to grow up eating the right things. I want him to grow up being "average."

To grow up being normal size.

Not like me.

I went through all my childhood being fat. Slowly my weight continued to creep up. It got me more and more down. In turn making me eat more, making me a serial binger and serious comfort eater. Reaching 20st 9lb (289lbs) in 2005 was probably one of the lowest points of my life but that is so far away from the 14st 9lb (205lbs) I have been the last couple of weeks.

It's only in the last year since I have been filled with new confidence that I have REALLY had the self belief that I CAN do it.

If I can find the strength and inner confidence to leave an "abusive relationship" then I can do anything I set my mind to. It takes some self belief and alot of hard work sometimes but I have NEVER been so in control of my life as to what I am now. And that's on EVERYTHING.

Occassionally I worry that maybe I am pushing things a little too hard but then I think I do still have what I want, I do still have the occassional drink, the night out with many drinks, I have takeaways every now and then and my life is no longer on hold. I am doing so much I wanted to do but never did when I was much bigger.

I need new vests for exercising in. I need a new swimsuit. I am wearing size 16-18 vests for exercising and they hang off my top half. They don't touch my chest and hardly touch my shoulders. I'd prefer them to be tighter round the bust. Only trouble being the size down is 12-14. I don't think I would look too good in that, but then again, I exercise alone. I do think I am on the verge of a size 14 top but I KNOW that it will look bad around my bum and hips so I can't move on to that just yet. My swimming costume I also wear for exercising occassionally is loose everywhere and I can't keep the straps on my shoulders. It's a size 18 and although I like my swimming costumes to hold me in, I don't want to buy a new one too soon before my holiday. I want to be in the smallest size possible. I do like the separates though. I can have a smaller top and bigger bottoms if I need it (which I normally do)

I have never been so positive that I will reach my goals on losing weight!

Heaviest: 20st 9lb. 289lbs.

Currently: 13st 7lb. 189lbs.

Total loss: 6st 13lb. 100lbs.